Big Mother-flippin Plans

I started my etsy store, I got the wallets and the earrings going, I got my silkscreens turned into ACEO's and I'm working on some more greeting cards. But its not enough, I need more. I got some ipod cozies in the works, and some shrink art jewelry. In one years time, I wanna be a house hold etsy name. I want a sale a day. And dammit, I'm gonna do it.

My dirty blogging secrets

Welcome to my dirty blogging secrets. Here is were I will divulge all of my dirty, filthy, vulgar, and just plain nasty secrets to pimping out your Blogger Blog.

1) Blogger Backgrounds and templates.
I get all of my Blogger backgrounds and templates from Pyzam. They have nice stuff and it is easy to manipulate the html. Before you start monkeying around in you blog, use the backup/restore feature in the edit html section of you layout and download the html for you blog as it is now. Then every time you make a change, preview it, if you like it, save your html and move on to the next change. If you make a mistake, click clear edits, which will bring you back to your last save. If you ruin you blog out of total recognition, upload your downloaded html and thank sunny Jesus you backed up you blog like I told you too...

Small Tweaking
So, you got you brand spanking new background, but you don't like the thickness of the borders, or one of the colors or the double boarder or the all caps. What can you do? Oh the horror!!!! Calm down. All you have to do is tweak the html codes. We will start simple. The first thing you need to know is the basic html structure.

Look at your html code for your blog, located in the layout tab under edit html (its a good idea to back up/ restore you html code). You will see different headings, the first one being Variables.


This is basically a list of constants. It states the general overall look of the blog, what the color scheme, and what fonts are used.

Next heading is Header. This defines what the header will look at. If you wanna change your header, this is where you look.

Next heading is the Outer-wrapper. This defines the size of your blog page (outer-wrapper), the size of your main middle blog entry column (main-wrapper), and the size of your right column (side bar wrapper) (I will show you how to add a 3rd column later), as well as the spacing and the borders.

Next is Headings (not to be confused with header), which formats the "titles" of your sidebar sections, and the dates of you posts. (getting me so far?)

Then there is Posts (formats how your posts will look) Comments, Sidebar Content (formats whats actually inside the sidebar), Profile (changes the formating of your pic), Footer (changes the box at the bottom of you blog), and then something that says "Page structure tweaks for layout editor wireframe" wich is the part of the code that talks to bloggers Page elements, and Fonts and Colors feature.

Now that thats all over, times for changes...

a) Changing from all caps.
Pyzam templats have an all caps features that you may not like. To change it in the header, scroll to the Header heading, (first one after variables) and scroll down four groupings of code till you see this:

You can delete (or add if you want uppercase and don't have any) that piece of code. To change the uppercase feature in any other part of your blog, scroll to that heading and either add or subtract that piece of code.

b)Changing the double border
to get rid of that pesky double border, got back to the Header heading, and look for this 3 groups down:

Change that number to 0. If you want the outer boarder to be thicker, go to the first grouping (header-wrapper) and change the border to 2px instead of 1px. Speaking of boarders...

b)Formating borders
To change the width of you borders, you will have to go to each section and every time it says "border: 1px solid $border color;", change the number (0 will yield no border). In the places where it says "border-bottom:1px dotted $bordercolor;" , this is the dotted line borders between the posts and the between the sections on you side columns.

To change the Color of your borders: you should be able to do this under fonts and color, but if you cant, pic the color you want and copy down the 6 figure "hex number" (that group of gibberish to the right of the "more colors box") of the color you wanna change it to. The go to the variables section of your html, and look for :

change the hex number thats in there to the hex number you want, and dont forget the #!!!. since we are in the variable section...

c) Changing what you can't change in fonts and color
If you want to change the color of something, and it won't work in blogger layout, got to the variables section of you html code. If you read the variables section carefully, you will see words like "Text Color" and "Blog Title Color". Look for the quotes that contain what you wanna change, and then follow the line till you see the place where you can enter you hex code. If what you want to change is not in the variables section, (most of the background color options are not in the variable section) Go to the heading of the section you want to change and change it there. How you say? Well I will tell you. For example, I wanna change the background color of my main middle blog section. I scroll down to the Outer-Wrapper heading, look for main-wrapper, and I see it says " background-color:#ffffff;" I change that ffffff to what ever hex code I have for the color I want.

About fonts. If you wanna change your blogs font to something other than what blogger offers, it can lead to problems. You can only use web-safe fonts on your blog. Whats a web-safe font? Its a font thats guaranteed to be present on all or most computer systems, therefor display nicely on webpages. If you use a font thats not typically installed will cause reversion to some system default font, or in some cases meaningless gibberish will be displayed. With that said, lets say I wanna change my main blog body text to Comic Sans, a very popular font not offered by blogger. I would go to the variables section, and look for the "text font" variable:

I would change Georgia, Serif to Comic Sans MS (you must use the full name of the font) in each place I see Georgia. For sections like the "side bar title font" that have multiple fonts listed, change each font to the one you wanna use. (All blog fonts are change in the variables section)

Changing you background image:
Say you gone and made all these changes and your blog is perfect except you hate that naked dog background, and you don't wanna start from scratch, what do you do? Change the background. Inbetween the Variables section and the header section, there is this mini section:


Here you can see what my background image url. If you wanna change your background image to another pyzam one WITH OUT changing you entire blog, copy the html in to MS Word or Word pad and pick out the image url and change it. If you want a personal image as a background picture, upload it to Photobuket or some other image hosting website to get a url for the picture. To use a found image from like Google or some where, "right click" on the image and select copy link location (for mac users, sorry pc users) and paste into html code. You can change the position by changing where is says bottom-left to bottom-right, top-left, or top-right. To stop tiling, change repeat to no-repeat.
To get rid of the background image all together and just use a solid color, delete the entire line:
"background-image: url(http://stuff.pyzam.com/layouts/img/c/o/ahcoloredbubbles.jpg);"

and change hex code to appropriate color.


BIG Tweaking
Here it is, what we have all been waiting for, the infamous 3 column blog. I got the info from here, and I present it too u in an easier to read format.

Step 1
Go to the Outer-Wrapper section of you template.
Find this bit of code:

Copy this entire section, and paste it directly below
Step 2
Change what you just pasted from "#sidebar-wrapper" to "#left-sidebar-wrapper"

Step 3
Now the tricky part, in the Page structure tweaks for layout editor wireframe" section of you template (located at the bottom, after the footer section), find this bit of code:

right BEFORE this bit you code you want to add :


Step 4
Almost done. Now you have to format the spacing and size of your columns.
Go back to the Outer-Wrapper section of you template. on this bit of code, add whats is in red:



If you preview your template, you will notice that the right sidebar will be beneath the main section. This is because overall size of your blog is only wide enough to accomodate one sidebar. We now how 2 side bars that are 220 pixes wide. How ever, contrary to what that other site says, Bloggers Layout Page element thingy cannot accommodate an overall blog size of 880 px (if you can live with it looking odd, then go ahead and make it 880). With that said, I have enclosed my measurements. You will have to fiddle around with your blog. Just keep in mind that the Outer-Wrapper ( The overall size of you blog) = Your 2 blog columns (sidebar-wrapper and left-sidebar-wrapper) + Your middle blog column (main-wrapper ) + Space inbetween the columns.


Click the photo to enlarge.

One more thing, to change the distance between the right and middle coulms, increase the over all blog size (outer-wrapper)

I hope this has been a helpful bit of info, please feel free to leave suggestions and such.

You're all moldy anyway.

Old boyfriends are like old bread and both are bad for you. They leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, a bad tummy ache, and all sorts of sordid memories of the girl you used to be and the sandwich you never finished cause the bread is moldy. Don't eat old bread or old boyfriends. You have been warned....

moooooo!!!

I got my Moo mini cards today!!! Look:



The box they came in is actually a nice sturdy plastic one. The cards are also thick and sturdy, and the colors are nice. I got 10 pics, 4 of my wallets, 3 of my earrings, and 3 of my art. I really like them. The back is kinda plain, but I can doodle on them on my own. They give you th option of color on the back, but I wanted to make sure they are easy to read. The back has my website, etsy site, blog, and email on the back.

Remember Paris?

I spent this past summer in Paris, painting and drawings and sight seeing and drinking wine and it was soooo great there. I feel home sick for Paris right now, New York and the stress of school is starting to get to me.

Everybodies Doing it.

Doing what? It. Everyone everywhere has done it or will do it. Your neighbors do it. You parents do it. You do it. Everybody does it. Yup even that guy. He does it twice a day, sometimes three times a day. While wearing socks. My grandma even still does it. I know somebody who does it all day long....

newbie love.

My new favorite thing on Etsy:. katie by nightwigglers.

You could have been the one. If you didnt suck so much.

I got that phone call. You know the one. The one where your childhood love (a relationship that lasted almost indefinitely from 13-18years old) calls you and says he is back in town. You experience the nausea as you remember the last fight, the first fight and every fight. blowout, squabble, and showdown in between. You remember that you still love him, despite the fact that he was and still is no good for you cause-your-too-smart-and-too-pretty-for-that-narrow-behind
-fool-anyway. Besides, you never can stop loving that first love. Nooo sir. You spend the rest of your natural life simultaneously trying to live up to, past, overcome, forget, remember, immortalize, and degrade that first love. Hows that for a mind-fuck-paradoxical-neurosis

BISCUITS!!!!!

I woke up from a 3 hour nap absolutely craving biscuits. So I went out into 19 degree weather for milk an baking powder, then came online and found this recipe (that I halved to make 5 biscuits cause its just little ole me in the house):

1 c. all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking powder
pinch of salt
2 1/2 tbsp. butter (at room temperature)
3/4 c. milk

Drop by a spoon on to a greased cookie sheet and bake till golden brown in a 450 degree oven.

I cut the butter up really tiny so it would melt in the oven. I made four huge biscuits, and while waiting for them to cook, I thought about stuff. Nothing important, just stuff. Alright fine, I'll tell you. I've been thinking about damn I forgot those biscuits smell awfully good. I love biscuits and their buttery goodness when they are all large and lumpy instead of prefect round cookie cutter biscuits. I also love those cheddar cheese biscuits the Red Lobster makes and oooooo I think they are done! No false alarm. Boo. So yea other good comfort food: Baked macaroni and cheese, I make it by melting can milk and cheddar and a stick of butter together and pouring it over cooked macaroni. Then I add an egg and some pepper and some more cheddar cheese and bake it till its nice and golden and oh my god I think I have an eating disorder: comfortfoodcravstopia. Its serious dudes. I need help. Some one call some one. I'm serious. Wait I think they might be done!!! Nope not yet... Lets see, what else is good...Ummm OOOOO easy strawberry pound cake. Take a hand full of strawberries and cut them up, sprinkle on a little sugar and put on a slice of pound cake. Add a little cool whip or even fresh whip cream and E.N.J.O.Y. One more time... Yay!!! They are done!!! sorry no pic camera died of early onset cardiac problems due to over use.....

Good Ole St. Nick, I mean St. Valentine

Can you smell it? The smell of loOOove wafting through the air? Can you? CAN YOU? Thats right kiddies, its almost Valentines Day. Don't get me wrong, I love love. My shop is called w/luv!!! so I obviously have no problem with love (although you will not find to0 many hearts in my shop, well maybe you will, but they are cool unemotional manly hearts). Valentines day has never been the it holiday for me though. I'm more of a Christmas or Halloween kinda girl. Yes I wanted to strangle all the popular kids who got tons of candy grams in JHS and HS and I never got any even though I knew I was an artist and therefore way to cool to be considered popular cause popularity dosen't matter when your a budding artistic genius. But I digress. Now that I am older (and in a relationship) I look froward to a quite night with my bf, nothing fancy, just dinner and sex. Cause thats what valentines day means right? Dinner, and sex. Right? No? O.k. Valentines day means love. And dinner. And sex.

REALLY. BAD. ART. PERIOD.

Or how would you like:
WORST. SHOW. EVER.
I went to the New Museum, I had to go. I didn't want to, my Art History grade dependent on it. So I went. And I dragged Andre (pseudo hubby aka bf of 10 months) along with me. I thought it would be educational. NOT!!! He was so disappointed he wanted my money back for me. I had seriously delusional and unrealistically high expectations for their show Unmonumental. (I know. I know. I was setting my self up from the start. Fine. Sue me then.) The reviews for the show where mixed, everyone at Cooper said it was terrible, but most of them are weird and I almost never agree with them anyway. Besides anything that can be likened to Whole Foods destroying the soul of the Bowery has to be cool right? No. NOT AT ALL. Unmonumental is supposed to re-contextualize the idea of the "museum" and the objects you place in it. The show is supposed be in 3 parts, each part being added to form a sort of collage of craptacular art (for an unbiased description, click here). It was a bad show period. It was so bad I cant even go into details because I barely remember any of it except the horrible taste it left in my mouth. Blah.

memories.

First of all, I wanna say sorry for being so neglectful, I had to get myself in the groove of being back in school. Let me see, ahhh yess, memory. I'm taking a "Issues in Contemporary Lit" class in school, and the two books we have talked about so far were autobiographies that were centered around being a writer and how you remember things a child vs how you remember them as an adult. Since I fancy my self as a writer, I would like to talk about this.
My earliest memory is a pair of shoes. My first grown up pair of navy blue leather flats. They were grown up to me because they where not those thick, rubber soled, paten leather Mary-Janes every mother forces on her little girl because they are ooooo soooooo cute. Blah. I wanted simple, sophisticated shoes. Well these shoes where to big for me to wear yet, I don't know where they came from or anything, but I do remember that this was during the time that I lived with my daddy and my step mom over the weekend, before I took up permanent weekend residency at my grand mama's cause step mama didn't want me in her house. Boo. Anyways the shoes. They didn't fit. But I liked to wear them around the house, and Daddy would play Cinderella with me. I don't remember any details, just that it was Cinderella, I was a princess, and some how this was all tied up with snow and it being 60 degrees the day after it snowed. All other memories I have before I started school are brief ecstasies of firemen poles in pre-school and the initial shock of my surprise party. I remember nothing about the party, just the first initial scream of SURPRISE!!! that nearly killed me (you cant spring that on a four yer old and expect them not to be scarred for life), and being upset afterwards that I didn't get any coconut cake. All of my other memories before the kindergarten are false memories, that is, I can only remember the story some one told me, or describe a picture I have of the memory, I don't actually remember the actual event (even though I pretend to).
Scientist belive that active memory starts with the acquisition of language. How ever if you've ever listened to small child tell you something they "remember" its like speaking to idiot. Children lack the adequate sense of time and sequence to successfully tell any kind of story comprehensible to a normal human (even though their insistent babbling is mildly entertaining). The memories of a small child are often mixed up jumbles of nonsense with the occasional unicorn and fire breathing rat (unless you talking to some kind of "child genius" in which case their babel is comprehensible, but still nonsense). Memory begins to strengthen once children reach school age, because they are able to participate in the collective memory of a class room. A group of 20 little babbling idiots should be able to tell you what they did in school yesterday in a way that can be understood. Strength in numbers right? The routine of school helps train the mind to think more logicaly and sequentially. There is also the long drawn out process of having kids draw pictures of things they did, or think they did, to help strecnghthen visual memory, and a chance for an evil spinster or bitter wife of a teacher to inform some poor helpless child artist and prodigy thet there are in fact no such thing as fire breathing rats. Boo.

New etsy seller!!!!!

This week, I'm in an abstract mood, so i picked these two pieces from the new etsy seller, mhartt. I'm really in to his use of line and form, and the tree is AMAZING!!!

love, hate, us, and moe